I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
