tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
