Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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