Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
