i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
