oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
