Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
