YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
