So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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