some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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