OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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