I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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