He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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