remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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