i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
