i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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