they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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