i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
