i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
