I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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