Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
