She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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