He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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