Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
