so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
