update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
