I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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