People with herpes should wear stickers.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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