After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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