Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
