I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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