he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
