Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
