I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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