i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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