I wish my penis had an off switch
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
