She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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