Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
