Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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