your parents love me but you hate me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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