He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He kissed a someone with a penis
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
