you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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