Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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