I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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