i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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