I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
