he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
