Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
