Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
