More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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