That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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