ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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