It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
