She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
