his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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