first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
