I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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