This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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