honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
