My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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