if i can run in heels then i can drive
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
