I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
