Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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