I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
